annyka

Well, I think it's about time I face the facts, and I want to publically announce this:

I have had a pretty fucked up mind, and as many have called me, yes I am a nutty fruitcake. This has caused me to treat a lot people, including those I care about (especially those I care about) bad.

Well I am going to undo some of the bad I have done, although I know it won't repair it completely (and I don't expect it to).

Julia is a good person and a good friend and a good mother. I know I have said that she was not any of those, and have whinged about her treatment of me, but I am the cause of it. I have NEVER treated Julia good. I have always been a bitch, yet she put up with me and showed me true friendship the whole way through.

I am sorry for all the things I have done to her, all the way from the start - the picking on of her at school, the nastiness all through our friendship, the lies, the talking behind her back - the whole lot of it.

I wish her the best of luck in the future, and know she will make a damn good mother (as she already is) and a damn good midwife. She'll also make a damn good wife to some totally lucky fella one day - who I hope treats her the way she ought to be treated.

This is also the last time I am going to mention Julia in my LJ. I am going to leave her alone, like she deserves. No more taunting from me.

and finally - thankyou Julia (if you ever read this) for being a decent person, and even showing me kindness when we are no longer friends.

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

× I miss somebody right now. (nah not at the moment)	✓ I don't watch much TV these days. (I watch a little, but it's all boring now days.)	✓ I own lots of books.
× I wear glasses or contact lenses. (I'm supposed to - but don't)	× I love to play video games. (occasionally, but on the whole not love)	✓ I've tried marijuana. (in my earlier days)
✓ I've watched porn movies. (what adult hasn't?)	✓ I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (I'm always the psycho-ex)	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

( it goes on... )

Ten years ago, it was 1996. Take this survey, post the results, and see how many things have changed since then.

1) How old were you?
THEN: 18
NOW: 28

2) Where did you work?
THEN: KFC
NOW: Willandra Primary

3) Where did you live?
THEN: Stratton
NOW: Warwick

4) How was your hair style?
THEN: Black or Red
NOW: Natural - shorter

5) Did you wear contacts?
THEN: No
NOW: No

6) Did you wear glasses?
THEN: No
NOW: I'm supposed to

7) Who was your best friend?
THEN: Maree
NOW: Maree

8) Which of your pets were still alive?
THEN: Ozzy the dog
NOW: Spike the dog

9) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
THEN: Collin Kelly
NOW: I don't have a boyfriend - I have a husband - Shaun

11) Who was your celebrity crush?
THEN: Axl Rose
NOW: Vin Diesel

12) Who was your regular-person crush?
THEN: Daniel Jackman
NOW: My Husband

13) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: 3 in one ear 2 in the other
NOW: same

14) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: None
NOW: None

15) What was your favorite band/singer?
THEN: Guns n Roses
NOW: Tatu

16) Had you smoked a cigarette?
THEN: Yes
NOW: Yes

17) Had you gotten drunk?
THEN: Yes
NOW: Yes

18) What kind of Car did you drive?
THEN: Toyota Corolla
NOW: Ford Falcon

19) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?
nup

Well.. I went to the Principal and asked him for the number for the counsellor. He said he didn't have it anymore but would find it for me. I then asked if he remembered the name of the place and he told me - PRIME..

Well I thought I would look it up - but I can't find the stupid thing!!!

So tomorrow I'll have to ask him to look it up again.

( My first step to recovery )

( My second step to recovery )

( My third step to recovery )

This is a public post

I really need some professional help. Not to please others, but for myself. It's about time I grew up and did what I said I was going to do, instead of playing games.
I have my means and ways of finding out information, and innocent people are getting mixed up in the mess, just because they have some loose connection to me (i.e. Skye from my lifestyles group) and there are even people I don't even know getting blammed for stuff (a chick called Ritamumof2 on a site...

It's not fair to all those people who get banned from a site they like, because of me - Nicky, Christie, Jami, Shannon etc... Even though they say they don't care, as the site became bitchy anyway... But it's all my fault.

I have lied so much in the past, that it's now eating away at me. I said I got counselloring when I didn't. Well I did, but that was before all the shit went down. I did speak to the school principal, and he has said the education department provides a free counselloring service. He did give me the number to contact, but I didn't and now it's lost.

My first step to recovery is to organise a counsellor - I am going to ask the Principal for the number again tomorrow. I have spoken to Shaun about it, and he says that if I need it then go for it. I really think I need it.

My second step to recovery is to speak to the main person caught up in this mess, and getting hurt by me. I don't mean to cause them pain. I am scared to, as I want to have confidentiality in what I tell her, but I don't know if I can get that after the things I did to her. I don't want her running to her friends/family and online support group telling them what I said. I am going to have to trust that she doesn't. And after I tell her what I want to tell her, then I won't be able to check up - as I am telling her the means I have to get the information I have been getting.

My third step - and hardest step - to recovery is to actually stay away, stop getting into the system or attempting to get in. I need to let everyone be and leave them alone.

It's funny (not in the haha sense), because the reason I am still there and annoying them, is because I know I can get a reaction. I sit silently reading their posts, thinking - this is boring, I am going to give up, but then I do something to let on that I have access and then shit hits the fan. I find Kattikus the most ammusing.... She says things like "I can't believe she [me] thinks we still talk about her" - well you are!! That's why I am still there. If people just ignored me, like admin keep telling her, and not reacting to the things I do, then it would be easier to get bored and finally leave them alone.

Well... I am leaving this post public, because I don't care who reads it. mummy2kieran might read it and tell her friends to read it.. and they will all go on about how it's all a ploy/I've said I am going to do it before and didn't. I'm just a liar. But I don't care.

For all those who do care about me, and believe I am genuine, I ask for your support. Check how I am going with the counselloring. Encourage me to get over it and leave the poor girls alone. I don't want to be a stalker - and I am sure that what I am doing is bordering (if not actually) stalking. I am disgusted with myself. Well I think I might try step 2 before 1, just because it is easier to do tonight (I can't talk to the principal now I am at home)..

Fairwell for now. You may not see me for a while, as I will need to detoxify from the internet to finally break this curse on me.

Lol - how appropriate...

Why am I on your friends' list?

Comment, then post this in your journal and see what people say about you.

Do you watch the Gilmore girls? Nope

Have you ever enjoyed listening to Jack Johnson? Who?

have you ever seen or enjoyed watching the O.C.? Nope

Do you have one or more Britney Spears C.D's? No F****N way

Do you regularly watch the news? Occasionally

Which radio stations are your favourites? Nova

Are you a Lost fanatic? Never seen it

( More *Exposure* Questions )

I got a BRAND NEW lap top from the education department yesterday... I had to wait for the battery to charge fully - so today is my first day...

It's soooo much nicer than the mega old one I had before.

Lovin' it!

Last night, while plugging in the electric frypan for dinner, a big ball of light, a huge bang and a heap of smoke came out the plug I was holding. I screamed, the lights dimmed and then came on. My hand was black as (it is still stained after washing them at least 50 times - no exaggeration). I was thankful that I hold the plugs in the right place and that the rubber wasn't frayed - I will learn to turn off the power at the plug before plugging things in though!!

I have transcribed all of my honeymoon from my handwritten journals.. It's all been backdated, so you may have to either go back through your friends lists, or go straight to my journal - if you are interested....

Glad to be home (and oww my hands hurt from all this typing!!)

Pics to still come.

21 People!
Write a list of 21 people. Don't read the questions before you write them. This is not that silly "this is your best friend, this is your crush" meme, it's something cooler.

( Click to read it only after you have listed 21 people )

Now, you can repost this as "21 people".

Time started: 3:17pm

( Questionaire about me )

Only two rules

1. You can only say YES or NO!

2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!

( The Meme )

Q: What's the last text message on your mobile say?
A: You have a missed call from ********* (or something like that - I can't be F****d getting up to go an check.

Q: Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
A: Shaun's and mine

( More )

1. Who was your best friend?
Maree, though I considered her best of best friends, because Julia
(

mummy2kieran), BJ (

gemfyre) and Sarah (

lotus) were my best friends too...

2. What sports did you play?
Lol Sport??? The only thing I did voluntarily was ballroom dancing in year 12 outside of school hours. I hated sport and would avoid it by any means possible.

( More )

1. Name:
2. Date of birth:
3. Where you live:
4. What makes you happy:
5. Currently listening/the last thing you listened to:
6. Do you read my journal?:
7. If yes, what makes it especially good or bad?:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/do you have a crush at the moment?:
10. Favourite place to spend time:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. The best time of the year:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A band, a song, or album:

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Look at my friends-list and tell what you like about one of our mutual friends:
4. Put this in your journal so that I can tell you what I like about you

1. Tell me something obvious about you.
2. Tell me something about you that many don't know.
3. What is your biggest fear?
4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut?
5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money.
6. What is your most treasured possession?
7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often?
8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don't know.
9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows
10. What is your favourite lie to tell?
11. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again.
12. Are you the jealous type?
13. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to?
14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
16. When was the last time you cried?
17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk.
20. If you post this in your journal would you like me to answer it?

[Marital Status]	Getting Married (8th April)
[Shoe size]	7 1/2
[Parents still together]	Biological? No.. Ones I grew up with? Yes
[Siblings]	Lots (3 sisters - aged 26, 7 and 5 and 1 brother- aged 24)
[Pets]	1 Fat rotweiller named Spike and one lonely un named goldfish
*FAVORITES*
[Color]	Silver
[Number]	15
[Animal]	Hyena
[Drinks]	Baileys
[Soda]	Orange and Passionfruit
[Book]	Harry Potter
[Flower]	Rose
*DO YOU*
[Color your hair?]	not for a long time
[Twirl your hair?]	sometimes
[Have tattoos?]	nope
[Have Piercings?]	yep (3 in one ear, 2 in the other. Used to have tongue done too)
[Cheat on tests/homework?]	once - math test in year 8
[Drink/Smoke?]	occasionally drink, used to smoke - but haven't for 7 years
[Like roller coasters?]	yes
[Wish you could live somewhere else?]	sometimes - but I like my house - just not where it is
[Want more piercings?]	no
[Like cleaning?]	not at all
[Write in cursive or print?]	print
[Own a web cam?]	no
[Know how to drive?]	yes
[Own a cell phone?]	yes
[Ever get off the damn computer?]	sometimes
*HAVE U EVER*
[Been in a fist fight?]	yes
[Considered a life of crime?]	yes - all the time - I am just scared of going to jail
[Considered being a hooker?]	have considered - but never will
[Lied to someone?]	yep
[Been in love?]	I am now :)
[Made out with JUST a friend?]	yes
[Been in lust?]	yes
[Used someone]	yes
[Been used?]	yes
[Been cheated on?]	yes
[Kicked someone in the nuts?]	no - that's just plain rude.. I would only do it to someone who was going to rape or kill
[Stolen anything?]	yes
[Held a gun]	yes - a copper's gun.
*CURRENTS*
[Current clothing]	greyish brown t-shirt and grey stripe pants
[Current mood]	tired
[Current taste]	cheese
[What you currently smell like]	stale perfume
[Current hair]	messy
[Current thing I ought to be doing]	school work - mark kids stuff, write letters to go home...
[Current cd in stereo]	don't have
[Last book you read]	um.... I can't remember
[Last movie you saw]	at the cinemas?? Harry Potter (I will only go to the cinemas to see Harry Potter, otherwise I wait for them on fox)
[Last thing you ate]	Cheese
[Last person you talked to on the phone]	Travel Doctor receptionist
[Do drugs?]	only over the counter and prescribed
[Believe there is life on other planets?]	yes
Remember your first love?]	yes
[Still love him/her?]	no
[Read the newspaper?]	sometimes
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?]	yes
[Believe in miracles?]	yes
[Do well in school?]	sometimes
[Wear hats]	occasionally
[Hate yourself?]	all the time - well a lot of the time now
[Have an obsession?]	yes
[Collect anything?]	yes - coins
[Have a best friend?]	I have 2
[Close friends?]	I have a few
[Like your handwriting?]	sometimes
[Care about looks]	I try,but usually can't be bothered
*LOVE LIFE*
[First crush]	do I have to answer?
[First kiss]	lol
[Do you believe in love at first sight?]	yes
[Do you believe in "the one?"]	to a certain degree
[Are you a tease?]	ooohhhhh yeah
[Too shy to make the first move?]	not at all
*ARE U A*
[Daydreamer]	sometimes
[Bitch/Asshole]	I try
[sarcastic]	what do you think?
[Angel]	not on this planet
[Devil]	I've been told I have the devil inside me...
[Shy]	rarely
[Talkative]	when I get started
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

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annyka

May 2020

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